Crazy, Sexy, Love

Building Positive Relationships

Reality vs. Optimism

I have always been one to think positive from when I was a little girl to now making my transition into adulthood. This journey through college and life can be extremely stressful at times and it’s important to remain focus on my goals. From past experiences I have learned that I work best off positive thoughts opposed to negative thoughts. When I think negative I tend to stress myself out even more and I really know when I’m stressed because my face begins to break out which is natural because when people are stressed their health begins to go down the drain especially the immune system. One of several things I was able to take away from the topic of positive psychology and my journey through life (hahaha I sound old, yet I have SO much more to learn) is why optimism matters and the positive consequences that we can take away as a result of optimism such as freedom from depression, happiness, life satisfaction, academic success, and even better stock market performance.

I consider myself an optimist but at the same time I know and understand how to distinguish optimism from reality. Optimism can have costs if it is too unrealistic. “This phenomenon is appropriately lamented because it might lead people to neglect the basics of health promotion and maintenance” (Oettingen, 1996). I totally support optimism in life but too much does not work in your favor. I think this is an important issue to take into account because these health issues are something that can be easily avoided. More generally, optimism in the form of wishful thinking can distract people from making concrete plans about how to attain goals.

With this being said, lets remain positive in all situations but do not allow it to take over you and overcast what is realistic. Don’t get me wrong, optimism is GREAT but according to positive psychologists there is a such thing as being to optimistic! 

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Love 364!

Happy Valentine’s Day folks!

“Don’t wait til this day to love, don’t wait to til this day to show it, don’t wait til this day to express it” ~Jeremy Rogers

There are so many people running around from store to store in attempt to put a smile on their significant others face, but why wait til today?! Where did Valentine’s Day come from anyway?

Valentine’s Day is a holiday observed on February 14 honoring one or more early Christian martyrs named Valentius. It was first established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD, and was later deleted from the General Roman Calender of saints in 1969 by Pope Paul VI. It is celebrated in countries around the world, mostly in the West, although it remains a working day in all of them. The day first became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished. By the 15th century, it had evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionary, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines“). 

So try to show your love everyday to friends, family, or significant others. It’s the little things that make a difference. Don’t get me wrong. I love a nice bouquet of flowers, cards, my favorite snacks, and more but that’s not all that counts and it doesn’t just have to be on Valentine’s Day to shower someone with love. Love 365/24/7! 🙂

The Unexpected…

Just a thought! You either love em’ or hate em’! It depends on the type of personality your dealing with but I absolutely LOVE surprises! You should try surprising someone you know rather its a next door neighbor, classmate, friend, mom, dad, boyfriend, or girlfriend! The reaction is priceless!

In my opinion is doesn’t have to be something big and over the top (but then again its nothing wrong with that!) Some example of surprises include:

1. Make something homemade and place it somewhere person the person can simply walk into it. I think it’s the things that have some thought put into them that makes it special.

2. Keep in mind the things a person has mentioned they need and buy it one day just because (i.e. new pair of jeans, hat, fav snack) With this you must be agood listener! Remember its the little things!

3. When I was in elementary school my use to write cute notes on napkins when she packed our lunch! I thought it was the sweetest thing ever and I’m going to do it for my kids some day! 

~Surprise someone this week! 🙂

Meaning in Life!

If positive psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living, it necessarily entails the study of meaning right?

Meaning entails feeling connected to something external and larger than the yourself! “Meaning” is usually assessed by interviews or self-report surveys, under the assumption that a meaningful life is best understood from the vantage of the individual who is living it. In general, research further shows that a life framed by meaning is more satisfying than a life centered on pleasure.

Consequences:

Greater life satisfaction, More positive emotions, Greater optimism, better self-esteem, Fewer psychological problems, and Longevity.

Where Do we find our PASSION!?

Surprisingly, according to Positive psychology we often find our passions outside of school and work! (I was shocked). I can understand this point but for me I met some amazing people in college and it was because of the organizations I decided to join and sometimes the classes I decided to take! But the question is where do we discover our passions or do we create them?

Some of my passions developed through interpersonal relationships! For example, I realized that I was passionate about mental health issues in young children when I had the opportunity to travel to Ghana and experience things hands-on with people from a different culture and background. I knew I love working with children from volunteering at youth centers within Michigan. I knew I loved swimming after joining a team that made me feel like family. So do you get my point?! We all find our passions in different ways but you just never know what situation or relationship opens your eyes to something new that could lead to your true passion! 🙂

The Joy of Positve Relationships!

Consider these research findings:

o Children who have a “buddy” (close friend) do well at school by all the criteria that matter, even if they have only one friend, and even if they are not otherwise popular

o Research by the Gallup Organizations shows that workers who have “a best friend at work” are more productive, healthier, and certainly happier than those who do not—indeed, having a best friend at work contributes more to well-being than salary, status, benefits, or privileges

o Research by Steve Brunwasser comparing the psychological well-being of UM transfer students to that of other students finds that male transfer students fare poorly, but only when they live off campus and fail to become socially integrated

o Interestingly, studies by social psychologists Shelly Gable and Harry Reis show that how we respond to good news about our romantic partner predicts the success of a relationship, perhaps more so than how we respond to bad news or to conflict.

So next time you’re talking to another person try to engage in active-constructive responding by paying close attention to what exactly they’re saying and giving positive feedback! It will go a long way! 🙂

 

What’s the Grudge For?!?

Forgiveness is something that is sooo hard to do (well so me at least) because once you step on my toes you burnt a bridge that is going to be hard to build back. I’m generally a nice person to everyone and I take my friendships, family, and other relationships serious and I expect the same thing in return. Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

Healthier relationships

Greater spiritual and psychological well-being

Less anxiety, stress and hostility

Lower blood pressure

Fewer symptoms of depression

Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

“There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”

~ Bryant H. McGill

Life can be a Wordle

I thought this was pretty cool! It’s something I did in class and you can do it too! Just a few words that describe my life from day to day! Try it! 🙂

Don’t Hang up on ME!

♥ Hanging up on someone is something that seems to happen a lot in a relationship. It almost seems like the minute there’s an argument between a couple and women get frustrated they tend to hang up the phone right away…..GUYS have the tendency to hang up the phone too! The problem is, this behavior has absolutely no positive gain to solving a problem. I remember saying at the beginning of my relationship that I hate when people hang up the phone on me because I think it’s so rude. All you have to do is say bye and hang up and that MIGHT make it a little better once you hang up! The funny thing (or maybe not so funny to him) is that I find myself hanging up the phone immediately when I disagree with something or get upset…I know, not the right thing to do and so hypocritical of me right?! Its something that I’m working on. Remember I’m not perfect but I try to acknowledge my flaws in order to make a positive change! When I’m wrong I don’t mind admitting that I’m wrong and when I’m RIGHT you will definitely know I’m RIGHT!

♥ Don’t hang up on someone when you disagree or get upset. I have learned that it is simply better to communicate how you feel in a calm and polite matter (it’s not easy, I KNOW)! So for all you hanger uppers…Give it a try! ☺

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